Fuck Yeah! Magic Science!

Invisible rainbow fae.

I WIN.

Okay story:

So there’s a villain who’s trying to assemble dangerous occult relics… he’s a ghost vampire.  As in, he died, and then, in the afterlife, became a vampire.  And then he returned to the material world.

But his soul is trapped in the afterafterlife and he’s trying to reclaim it so he can power up his magic or something, and to do so he needs to gather a bunch of magical relics from the physical world and the beforelife so he can punch a giant hole in the veil between the afterlife and the afterafterlife.

And then just to make things worse, a chthonic being’s ghost (as in, it was a ghost in the afterafterlife, so it’s alive in the afterafterafterlife) emerges from the afterafterlife and climbs up to the beforelife and tries to become a god by ascending into the beforebeforelife to cut off the flow of pre-souls into the beforelife.

Story should also include nanite elementals, using nanites to access space-Purgatory (hell’s been done too many times, heaven is too mainstream), laser flails.

And xenon is used to power the space zepellins because its lighter than vacuum.

Also when you get caesium sprayed on you you have to take a shower to wash it off ‘cause it soaked your clothes.

In Space Year 44-Trout-Aleph, on the day before Space Christmas, the aliens of the Bjxxxrkkqmzrk Empyre invaded the remote coal mining colony of Neo-Space Vancouver, in deserts of the newly terraformed planet Eris.  They, and their innumerable robot legions, sought humans to press-gang into rowing their space triremes.

Fortunately, we had a secret weapon: General 28978 Ixion of the 8.3rd Zepellinborn Space Paratrooper batallion had secretly been carrying a cyborg plague, which when unleashed on the empyre’s pirate, would turn them into killer undead psionic xenomorph cyborg nanowizards.

Unfortunately, it was accidentally released in the local xenon refinery.

I had long ago learned that Chess was not really a game for me. I generally said I didn’t have the patience for it, but that wasn’t quite true. At least, it certainly wasn’t the real problem.

I mean, I don’t. Have the patience for it. At all. Too predictable. To much sitting there doing nothing.

But the bigger issue was, people didn’t appreciate my tactics. Like, what do you mean spilling your drink on the board when you appear to be losing, then volunteering to clean it up so you can smuggle your king away from the now flooded battlefield isn’t a fair tactic?

Gods what is wrong with you people.

Somehow, though, Bel talked me into playing against them.

I’m pretty sure it was the fact that they were really hot, to be honest.

It’s my main flaw, really. If I’m attracted to people I start being nice and that just ruins the whole merciless killer thing. So much. It’s in tatters on the floor, being eaten by dogs.

…the dogs are of course there so I can call on them for backup should Bel try to pull anything.

I’m nice, but trusting, not so much.

I trusted someone once. Never again.

(PS: That is exaggeration.)

Bel, it turned out, was actually ready. I swear they’d like, read some dossier or something that mentioned I never played a game without cheating. Which really… made it actually interesting.

Chess is so much better when it’s a fast paced game of reading and out-bluffing your oponent. So basically, Chess is best when played like Poker. (Poker is of course best when hands are played open face on a 40 minute clock.)

Before we started I had very carefully arranged several backup plans should things not go according to plan.

The first several moves went fine, if a bit too slow for my taste.

At which point, I attempted to reveal my first ploy, and set the board on fire.

This was less successful than I’d anticipated. Most people never see it coming. Bel, on the other hand, simply calmly poured their bottle of wine on the chess set. It apparently actually contained water. Which, I must admit, was a clever ploy. Playing chess drunk is an obvious disadvantage, but playing chess sober when you’re opponent thinks you’re drunk….

Anyway I had another trick up my sleeve. (Well, two tricks up my sleeve, specifically knives, up each. But that actually isn’t what we’re going for here; rather this trick was in my purse, in the literal sense.)

Two words: Surprise speed chess.

…that’s three words.

Shit remember that patience thing I was talking about. It apparently includes checking to see if my two words are actually two.

“Man was that supposed to be another trick? White: e4! Black: e5! Board: Set on fire! White: Suprise we’re now on a 2 minute timer!” Bel said. “I mean, I admire the first one, but this is just…”

The lights abruptly blinked off.

“Oh, I see, the clock was a decoy.” Bel said. Shit this dude learned fast; they saw through my decoy. Well. The blinking light was also a decoy. So I guess the clock was my decoys decoy.

They were only out for about fifteen seconds (I didn’t need much, so I hadn’t arranged a long blackout.)

When they came back on, I had subtly swapped my king for a fake, made mostly from paper and easily squished when I needed to reveal my deception. My actual king was in my pocket.

Bel’s side, had, of course, been swapped for Bel. They had removed all their pieces, and was now sitting on the table.

I raised an eyebrow.

“Honestly, Serane, I don’t see why you agreed to play chess when you are just going to cheat.”

I made a pouty face.

They tilted their head to the size and glared pointedly at me. They absently picked up a rook, and carefully squished my fake king under it.

“Don’t pretend you’re not cheating,” they said. “Your cute faces do not change that fact.”

“There is nothing in the rules that says you can’t set the board on fire,” I said.

Bel carefully took a folded piece of paper out of their pocket, and handed it to me. “Please refresh your memory.”

Okay I can’t quite figure out what I should make the secondary effects of the charm spell be.

Options include: Summoning animals instead of charming them (doesn’t scale as well? But probably fits mode switching better. Also is an assload of work.) Triggering an AOE effect around the animals you charm (noooot quite sure how that makes sense though.) Providing a buff to the player as well (makes more sense, but still not quite), providing a buff to the charmed animal (I feel a bit like the whole animals are a highly diverse group already thing makes that not work so well.)

I do feel like charm is more interesting then summon though.  Buuut also Veganism has a charm animal spell already so I want it to be significantly enough different from that to not feel like the same spell.

Sticking this on the writing blog because really this is basically Emily blogs out loud to herself.

Another option is to DE-buff the animal you charm?

Or maybe don’t trigger it as a targetted spell, have a chance to charm animals that hit you? and/or nonanimals?

Spawns some sort of animal product when the animal dies? (can I trigger a buff if the animal dies while the buff is up?)  Some sort of curse cooldown thing?

Can I check individual animals to give you some sort of “You have a bat companion” buff?  But that requires updating a LOT and won’t work with new animals from mods.

whatfreshhellisthis:

fuckyeahmagicscience:

I would first point out that 3E was trying to be a WOW Boardgame too.  (Or rather, WOW is trying to be D&D as a videogame but still).  Part of why 3e DID work some of the time is because it had holes in the videogameyness. If you compare it to pretty much any other game (even fairly rule-y ones like Call of Cthulhu, it becomes pretty obvious the game part of D&D is trying to be a tabletop wargame with individual heros.

It’s just kind of shitty at it so you can use it as a roleplaying game :P

ANYWAY TIEFLINGS.

I’d disagree that you don’t want tieflings to be part of your society, but you definitely don’t want them to be like… “this city is a tiefling city”, so much as “this city is a human/fiendish city, so there’s tieflings. Nobody likes them though because they’re not as strong as full demons so full demons see them as kind of useless—not to mention demons and cooperation are never a strong point*—sooo even then they end up as a highly variable outcast group and not any solid social class or anything.

Though assuming Tieflingness is hereditary they’d probably start banding together eventually, at least, groups that are somewhat similar personalitywise?  Though they’d still probably not LOOK similar since the tiefling phenotype is mostly “Randomize body parts!”

*And regarding fiends being “Always Evil” I’d portray that as a mixture of social norms on a cosmic scale—like demons are basically willed into existence by collective conceptions of evil, so any demon spawns with this sort of general idea of what they’re supposed to be… and then they have their own societies so most everyone ends up like that… except of course, like any person they can grow and change. But also most people won’t trust a demon who claims to be good because demons do that all the time and are lying.  Also spells like “Detect Evil” will basically get overwhelmed by the demons metaphysical Evil before it actually even can pick up their morality so if if the demons morality is fairly “Good” they get 25 points in the “register as evil” pan just by being a demon.  Tieflings do not get a lot of this, though they’d have a weak version of the later effect.

(Also re: shitty 4E decisions, you really cannot have tieflings without aasimar being there as a counterpoint.  Because like, they are LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE IN EVERY WAY more or less. Even if people rarely play as them they still need to BE there.)

RE: WOW-as-a-boardgame; I’ve never actually played WOW and I know nothing about the history or even the timing of the various D&D editions vs WOW, so I wasn’t accusing 4e of literally being WOW-made-boardgame, more trying to point out with how they’re taking away the breadth and depth of choice and variety it feels a lot more like a videogame than an RPG to me- and I’m a person who like never plays videogames. (This’d be why I never noticed the videogameyness of 3.5; not enough familiarity with what videogameyness is!)

To be far it also requires comparing D&D to other tabletop roleplaying games (and for that matter, tabletop wargames which is, in fact, where it has its roots) to notice.

I do get what you’re saying, though it’s probably partially just a symptom of streamlining the design—in doing so the design priorities become clearer and better focused on, and unfortunately those are moooostly just stabbing monsters with sharp things. (Or hitting monsters with color spray but you know)

I’d also say it’s probably closer to like, co-op TES (there’s sort of an openness, if your GM is cooperative, but the openness still tends to boil down to WHICH DUNGEON WOULD YOU LIKE TO HUNT MONSTERS IN) then WOW but that’s nitpicking and not particularly relevant. (Also TES notably was VERY D&Dlike in its early incarnations.)

Well see that’s the thing; in 3.5 I thought Tieflingness wasn’t hereditary. Like, you wouldn’t get Tiefling parents with a Tiefling kid because they were sterile or the kids would come out Human or Elf or whatever because of how Tieflings were more punishments or part-of-a-deals or whatever rather than actual descendants of a normal bloodline; as Soph said they were either anomalies that occurred randomly thanks to the Demon heritage or to a schedule thanks to Devil. So Tieflings were never a race as a race is usually understood; there was no real common genetic ancestry, let alone a culture or anything. I can imagine in places like Sigil there maybe being a few Tieflings who band together but the whole point of them is that they were random and rare; as unique and odd as their randomised bodyparts.

Generally the implication is that SOMEWHERE there’s fiendish ancestry I think.  Also in D&D tradition I’d be shocked if they were infertile since there’s the “half-everything” templates going on, so… infertility doesn’t seem like a problem if you try hard enough in D&D. :P Although also “Fiendish ancestry” might mean “summoning did a bunch of fiendish magic and/or made a deal with a fiend” as opposed to anything specific.

Anyway baring large groups of tieflings getting together, probably because there’s a stable fiend population, tieflings probably wouldn’t be noticeably hereditary since they’re probably all mostly (human/elf/dwarf/etc) and, well, magic genetics. They’re notoriously unpredictable :P

And yeah the other issue is tieflings don’t have the internet.  Or even phones :P  Soooo organizing is a lot more complicated outside of like, Evil-leaning planes. :P

But that could just be me; I have no real knowledge of D&D’s default setting/s having only ever really played in a homebrew world, so I acknowledge the whole “Tieflings can’t breed Tieflings” thing could just be me getting confused between Wizard’s cannon and DM cannon.

Also I don’t know how much sense that whole paragraph up there makes :P

I thiiiiink tieflings can normally have tiefling offspring in 3.5e canon (and planescape canon).

Though it wouldn’t shock me if it randomly showed up inexplicably because there was a fiend/tiefling eight generations back everyone forgot about. It seems like the sort of thing it would do.  Probably when someone takes a position in a powerful LG organization. :P (they’re Evil genes they probably like trolling people :P)

whatfreshhellisthis:

hamiltonkitty:

whatfreshhellisthis:

foundingfatherfest hat auf deinen Eintrag geantwortet: foundingfatherfest hat auf deinen Eintrag…
And again…the horns… x_x The horns take up the entirety of the forehead, giving them…like…caveman brows. Plus, dinosaur tails. wtf. They’re hulking and monstrous.

I KNOW. If you WANT to do hulking and monstrous go ahead- but FFS Cha is their main stat boost; don’t you suppose SOME of us aren’t going for hulking brute when we pick Tiefling? Or that maybe we don’t like that YOU HAVE TAKEN A RACE OF DEMON DESCENDED PEOPLE AND MADE THEM ALL THE SAME.

Like fuck, D&D’s “Elves are woodsy and mystical, Dwarfs are like this, Gnomes are like this, humans tho are unique and different and have cultures and shit cause humans lol” approach is 90% why I preferred Tiefling’s in the first place; the idea that an entire species is at all homogenous in any way other than having certain physical traits has always irritated the hell out of me. Tieflings managed to get away from that!

But nope.

And even if, for the sake of argument, we accepted that having uniform physical traits fort ieflings was a-okay…

The entire point of them has still been ruined.

Before, tieflings were the often evil spawn of demons and humans, unexpected and unwanted.  You couldn’t just go out and find another tiefling, and if you did there wouldn’t be any sense of shared culture. A tiefling man wouldn’t marry a tiefling woman and have tiefling babies.  I mean, think about it: every tiefling in 4e has had tiefling parents. Parents who looked like them, who probably loved and protected them. That’s an entirely different experience.

Not even getting into the inherited preference for evil, which doesn’t exist anymore.  

EXACTLY

They’re like a completely different race altogether; they’ve eradicated everything that made Tieflings Tieflings (AND INTERESTING) except for the infernal heritage.

WHY. Why???

UAZGKSCGVDC. Mad. Forever. About Tieflings.

I would first point out that 3E was trying to be a WOW Boardgame too.  (Or rather, WOW is trying to be D&D as a videogame but still).  Part of why 3e DID work some of the time is because it had holes in the videogameyness. If you compare it to pretty much any other game (even fairly rule-y ones like Call of Cthulhu, it becomes pretty obvious the game part of D&D is trying to be a tabletop wargame with individual heros.

It’s just kind of shitty at it so you can use it as a roleplaying game :P

ANYWAY TIEFLINGS.

I’d disagree that you don’t want tieflings to be part of your society, but you definitely don’t want them to be like… “this city is a tiefling city”, so much as “this city is a human/fiendish city, so there’s tieflings. Nobody likes them though because they’re not as strong as full demons so full demons see them as kind of useless—not to mention demons and cooperation are never a strong point*—sooo even then they end up as a highly variable outcast group and not any solid social class or anything.

Though assuming Tieflingness is hereditary they’d probably start banding together eventually, at least, groups that are somewhat similar personalitywise?  Though they’d still probably not LOOK similar since the tiefling phenotype is mostly “Randomize body parts!”

*And regarding fiends being “Always Evil” I’d portray that as a mixture of social norms on a cosmic scale—like demons are basically willed into existence by collective conceptions of evil, so any demon spawns with this sort of general idea of what they’re supposed to be… and then they have their own societies so most everyone ends up like that… except of course, like any person they can grow and change. But also most people won’t trust a demon who claims to be good because demons do that all the time and are lying.  Also spells like “Detect Evil” will basically get overwhelmed by the demons metaphysical Evil before it actually even can pick up their morality so if if the demons morality is fairly “Good” they get 25 points in the “register as evil” pan just by being a demon.  Tieflings do not get a lot of this, though they’d have a weak version of the later effect.

(Also re: shitty 4E decisions, you really cannot have tieflings without aasimar being there as a counterpoint.  Because like, they are LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE IN EVERY WAY more or less. Even if people rarely play as them they still need to BE there.)

Rain feels ick.

Like water. On your skin.

Ick.

Met is bad at the metaphors.

I am ascendant, a name that voicelessly calls itself in the webs of the void casting it’s image into itself from the first birth to all its limitless deaths when the time folds into itself, shattering the substance of creation.

The blood of the gods is etched into my hands.

The ethereal conduit is unbarred.

Your name is alone amongst the mists and your words are inaudible.  Your despair is made tangible by your robes, the howling abyss where your spirit should be is what I look into, seeking the truth that is defined by others.

I will cleanse my self of the abhorrent shades, collateral of the mind for the laws of the unwritten.

A silent melody: I am not here for I am not.